Title: The Choice – Part 7a
Author: Xanfan
Rating: Mature
Pairing: various, including M/M Slash
Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?
Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.
Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
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Last Time:
Lorne pulled back, “Now, Angel is left on some out of town business and won’t be back for a day or two, but the others will be here shortly. Are you ready to meet them, to tell them what has happened?”
“They’re gonna hate me.” Faith whispered.
“I’m not going to lie to you, this will be tough. But it has to be done and the sooner the better.”
“I know.” Faith said sadly, “Oh, Xander left letters for you guys in his pocket. Maybe that’ll help?”
“Maybe Honeybuns.” Lorne said. “Well, I guess we’re going to find out.”
They both turned as the door to the lobby opened.
~~~~~~~
Wesley stared at the envelope in his hand. When he and the others had arrived at the Hyperion, Lorne had sent ’Xander’ into Angel’s office to wait while the green demon told them about the choice Xander had been faced with, and the decision he’d made.
To say that they were stunned would be an understatement. Xander wasn’t Xander anymore, but Faith. It was all too much to take in. Lorne had concluded his explanation by handing out the letters from Xander. Wesley, like his teammates, had retired to his personal room at the Hyperion to process the news and read his letter – Xander’s final words to him.
Wesley thought back to dinner the other night. He realized that Xander had been saying goodbye in little ways all evening. The young man had always been an attentive listener, so Wesley hadn’t been suspicious of the intense attention they had all been given. Now it seemed clear that Xander had been trying to soak them all in, memorizing them for the last time.
Wesley sighed in sadness. When Xander had started spending time in L.A., he and Wesley had made a conscious effort to put aside their differences and past impressions of each other from Sunnydale and start over. They had learned that despite their diverse economic backgrounds, they actually had some things in common, like less than stellar parents. They both suffered from poor self-images and the feeling of never quite measuring up as a result.
It would be hard trying to cope with Xander being gone while someone else was walking around in his body.
And that someone else being Faith made it all the more difficult. Wesley felt like he had failed his former charge. He hadn’t been the Watcher she needed and had let the Watcher’s Council rhetoric cloud his reactions and interactions with her. He had failed to see her as a girl, defining her solely by her duty as the Slayer. That mistake had cost lives. Oh, he knew better than to blame Faith’s downfall entirely on himself; Xander had made sure of that, but Wesley knew that at least some of the blame could be placed at his feet.
He only hoped that he had learned from his past mistakes and could help her cope with her new situation. He hoped he’d get the chance to try.
Wesley took a deep breath and broke the seal on the envelope that Lorne had given him. He pulled out the letter and began to read the last words that Xander had for him.
Wesley,
Hey man. I guess by now you know that I am no longer me. Weird, huh?
When I was told that the only way to stop to stop The First would be to sacrifice a slayer, I was hurt. I mean, we had all fought so hard to keep the slayers alive and now one had to die. It didn’t seem fair.
I knew I couldn’t do it. I’m not that strong. I love them both so much, and I couldn’t kill one of them, not even to save the world. I guess there’s a reason I don’t have super powers; I’m not a hero.
So I had to find a way around it, keep The First out and keep my girls alive.
This was the only thing I came up with.
I bet you’re dying to know how I did it, aren’t you? I can just see your Watcher trained brain working hard to figure it out. I know you’re a man who thrives on detailed explanations, so, here is as detailed as I get.
I’m sure you understand about the slayer essence and all that, how it is tied to the body, not the soul. You see, souls are eternal, how else could Angel’s soul be pulled from the ether and stuck back in his body? And since souls don’t die, the slayer essence is attached to the body, so that when the body dies and the soul is released, another slayer is called. Don’t worry, I double checked with the Oracles. They confirmed my assumption. I knew then what had to be done.
As you know, Faith used a device called the Katra, to switch bodies with Buffy. Buffy was able to switch them back before the Watcher’s Council came to ‘collect’ Faith. I ‘found’ the Katra at the church where Buffy and Faith switched back and kept it. I’m not sure why. I knew it would be of the bad if it fell into the wrong hands, but I’ve spent too much time with Giles to just destroy a relic. It’s not like I ever imagined using it for this, or using it at all. But, you know how sometimes, your instincts just tell you to do something? Well mine screamed “keep this, it could be useful.” Honestly, I didn’t even think about it again, until this all happened.
So, by now I’ve switched with Faith and released the slayer essence, stopping The First Evil from coming here. Go me.
And I’m not sorry. I don’t regret this.
I regret leaving my friends behind, I regret leaving Angel, but I don’t regret not killing one of my girls.
I know that this is going to be hard. Faith is walking around in a Xander-suit. I bet she’s freaked out. She is going to need you to be her Watcher again. No, she’s not a Slayer anymore, but, she’s going to need someone to teach her how to use her new body, how to survive in the ‘real world’ as a regular person. I basically broke her out of prison, so, she’s gotta be freakin’ about that too. And I’m pretty much her best friend and I just killed myself in front of her. She’ll need just as much, if not more, help as a ‘regular guy’ than she did as a Slayer.
She is going to need all the support she can get, and I’m counting on you to help her out. Think of this as a second chance, for both of you. Not to break a confidence or anything, but I do know that she regretted not giving you a chance in the past. She knows that you both made mistakes, in your Slayer/Watcher relationship. I know she tortured you, hey, she tried to kill me too, but I think you both deserve a chance to put the past behind you and move on.
I have really enjoyed getting to know you and becoming your friend these last few months. I know I’m not always the easiest person to get to know and I appreciate your patience. You took the time to actually try and teach me stuff about demons and researching and languages. I know I wasn’t always the best student, but I am really grateful for the chance to learn. I also appreciate the fact that this time around, you treated me like the man I had become and not the boy I once was. I took my cues from you in that and it really helped me see that you were different from the guy I knew in Sunnydale.
I am proud to know you and call you friend.
Keep being the man that you have become. Remember prophecy isn’t everything.
Your Friend,
Xander
P.S.
Take care of Angel for me. He’s gonna need your support to. Don’t let him go too crazy.
Wesley put down the letter, manfully wiped the tears from his cheeks, and headed down to see his former Slayer. He had to help her start her new life.