Title: The Choice – Part 4
Author: Xanfan
Rating: Mature
Pairing: various, including M/M Slash
Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?
Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.
Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
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Last Time:
Faith walked away from the prison in a daze, got in Xander’s car and drove to Angel, wondering how she could ever fill the shoes of her boytoy. But he had given up his life for her, giving her a new chance and a new life, and she vowed to live it in a way that would honor him.
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Faith stood outside of the Hyperion. She didn’t know if she could go in there. How could she go in there, wearing Xander’s body, using Xander’s voice and break their hearts?
Because telling them that the boy they knew was gone and here a killer stood in his place, in his body, would definitely break at least one heart.
She and Xander had had many conversations about his relationship with Angel. She knew that they were deeply in love.
Xander had told her of his deepening friendships with Angel’s crew. He admired how Wesley had matured and grown as a person from the uptight man they had known back in Sunnydale. He enjoyed Gunn’s attitude and style, enjoyed knowing another ‘normal’ who still fought the good fight. He adored Fred, loved the spine of steel the little physicist kept hidden behind shy glances and a slight stutter. He said she reminded him of the Willow he had known PB (pre-Buffy). Xander had laughed as he described Lorne and how flamboyant the Anagogic demon was. Faith had listened to Xander describe them all, and she had enjoyed the genuine affection she could hear in his voice.
Now, she was supposed to face them? In his body?
It was almost too much to bear.
“I want to hate you, you know?”
Faith jumped at the voice, she turned to see none other than Cordelia Chase in all her glow-y glory next to her.
Xander had told her the former cheerleader had been appearing to him ever since she had become a higher being, but, honestly, Faith had thought he was just messing with her. It was a little shocking to see that he had been telling the truth.
“I want to hate you, but I can’t. He made me promise not to. He made me swear I would visit you just like I visited him. Actually, he used to words ‘haunt’ and ‘nag’, but the gist was the same.” Cordelia said.
“He wasn’t just yankin’ my chain. You really are here?” Faith asked, still stunned.
“Yeah. Everybody thought he was half-crazy. I mean, he was, but not because of this.” Cordelia said.
“Why don’t you hate me? I hate me right now. I don’t deserve this.” Faith asked.
“He loved you. He used to read your letters and email out loud to me. He would laugh hysterically at some of your stories. Despite all that had happened between you, he valued your friendship just as much as any of the others. He taught me how to like you, even before I became all see through. He told me all about your progress and how genuinely remorseful you were. He believed in you, in your redemption. He made me believe too.”
“How can you look at me, in his body? How can you stand to look at me?”
“I don’t see you in his body, I see you. Before, I could see him in his own body, but mostly I just looked at his soul. Now, I just ignore his body so I can see you, your soul. It’s easier that way.”
“They won’t be able to do that. They won’t be able to see me without seeing him.”
“Do you really want them to?”
“What do you mean?” Faith asked, truly confused.
“You standing there in Xander’s body, it’s a testament to how much he loved you and believed in you. How much he thought you still had to contribute to the world.”
“But, I’m not even a slayer anymore. I can’t…..”
“Xander was never a slayer, never had super strength or any other special abilities, but he still fought, still made a difference. He saved the world twice by himself, just being himself. Hell, Buffy can’t even say that. He thought you, Faith the person, not Faith the Slayer, still had something to give, or at least that you deserved the opportunity to try.”
“But, Angel….” Faith began.
“Angel loved, loves, that boy more than anything, and he is going to have a hard time with this. That means he is going to need all the friends he can get to support him through this. And before you wore a Xander-shaped suit, you were his friend. He’ll need you, no matter how much he pushes you away, he’ll still need you.”
Faith nodded in agreement. She could do this for Angel.
“And Faith, don’t try to be Xander, because no one can be. But don’t try to be Faith the Slayer either. You’re not her anymore. Just be you, the girl Xander came to know and love. You’re still a badass, you’re just now a badass who can pee standing up.”
Faith stared at Cordelia for a moment before she burst into laughter. Trust Cordelia to break it down to the bare truth.
She quieted after a moment of laughter, not sure if she had the right to laugh.
“It’s different,” Cordelia said, a hint of sadness in her voice.
“What is?” Faith asked.
“Your laughter. It’s different than his…..I thought it would sound the same, but it doesn’t. It’s not better or worse, it’s just ... different.”
“It can’t be as good, there ain’t nothin’ in the world like Xander-laughter.”
“I know.” Cordelia said sadly.
“Can I really do this? Wouldn’t it just be easier to take off? They wouldn’t have to look at me?”
“They need to know what happened. They need to know what he did for you, for them, for the world. Besides, there are still big bads out there to fight, and Xander, he would never have run away to let everyone else deal with them. You want to honor him? Fight the fight, just as you are. It’s what he would've done. It’s what he's done for the better part of a decade.” Cordelia said, her voice brooking no argument.
“But I’m not Xander.”