Title: The Choice – Part 1

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: SLASH AU Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_____________________________________

 

Xander looked into the eyes of the woman whose life he was about take. He loved her as he loved all his girls. Everyone thought he had favorites, but he didn’t. He loved them all, in different ways. All of them had become his sisters in every way but blood. He would do anything for them.

 

Anything apparently included killing one to save all the others, save the world. It was not fair, that he should have to do this, but he had been given the task, forced to choose. So he made his choice.

 

He raised a hand to grasp hers.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Xander had been in contact with Cordelia since not long after she moved to L.A. The whole Prom dress thing had gone a long way towards rebuilding their friendship. So they had called, emailed, visited on the sly, etc, for years. Of course he had run into Angel on occasion, and they had settled into a truce-for-Cordy’s-sake/pseudo friendship that had, grudgingly, turned into a real friendship.

 

Anya had been highly jealous of Xander’s friendship with Cordelia, which was probably one of the reasons they hadn’t worked out. (read: horrific break-up and leaving her at the altar.) He had refused to accommodate Anya’s jealousy by being less of a friend to Cordelia.

 

So, it really shouldn’t have surprised him when Cordy started communicating with him from beyond.

 

She had shown up shortly after she had gotten all glow-y and formless, scaring the hell out of him while he was taking a shower one evening after patrol. And no matter what she said, he did not scream like a little girl. He screamed like a young woman, thank you, not a little girl.

 

It had taken awhile to convince him that he wasn’t crazy and that Cordelia had actually been made a Higher Being. When he was finally convinced, she nagged him, telling him he needed to contact Wesley and tell him where Angel was (in a box at the bottom of the ocean). Xander had whined, asking why she couldn’t tell Wesley herself. She'd replied that he was the only one she had been able to appear to. So, Xander, relented and called the former Watcher. Wesley had questioned Xander’s source for this knowledge, but had eventually believed him when Cordy relayed a personal bit of information about Wesley that Xander would have no way of knowing. A bit of information Xander wished he still didn’t know, but, whatever. Wesley had used the intel Xander supplied to retrieve a starved, half-crazed Angel from the bottom of the ocean.

 

She had told him about Willow inadvertently casting a spell on her return from England, which had made them invisible to her and vice versa. Cordy’s heads-up had allowed Xander to find Willow right before that demon had peeled off her skin.

 

When Angel had recovered, he had come to see Xander, to find out if Cordy was really there helping him, talking to him. Angel had asked Cordy, who was there but Angel couldn’t see her, if they had been in love.

 

Xander’s heart ached for Angel at her reply, “Yes, we were. But, we weren’t supposed to be. You have been one my closest friends and I will always cherish that, but I can be nothing more than a friend to you now. Move on and be happy, perfectly happy even. I pulled a few strings up here and your soul? Not going anywhere. You couldn’t lose it if you tried. ”

 

Angel had cried when Xander had relayed that message. Xander had found himself holding the vampire, comforting him. Then he had found himself kissing Angel. The contact had comforted both of them. Then he had found himself….well, let’s just say that they had thoroughly tested the whole perfect happiness thing. Cordy was right, the soul stayed. And so did Angel, at least for the weekend.

 

They had discovered, between bouts of extremely hot, wild, monkey-sex, and once they got past all the jealousy and Buffy crap, that they actually liked each other, beyond their Cordy-based friendship. They spent the weekend reminiscing over Cordelia and telling Spike tales. They laughed and cried and helped each other cope with losing the girl they had both loved. (Having Cordy give a running commentary, through Xander, helped, but it wasn’t the same.) They had real conversations about pretty much every topic you can imagine. They enjoyed each other. They had lots of the previously mentioned hot sex.

 

So they decided to give it a try and continued to see each other, visiting back and forth between L.A. and Sunnydale, sometimes meeting in the middle.

 

It wasn’t long before they had discovered that they more than liked each other, they loved each other. The L.A. crew was aware of their relationship, but they didn’t tell the Sunnydale crew, figuring Buffy just didn’t need that on her plate too.

 

Spike knew, but only because he was Xander’s roommate and he could smell his sire all over Xander. He was actually pretty cool with it. Oh, he teased Xander in private about it, but he never let on to the other Scoobies.

 

So, Willow had gotten back from England, Dawn had started school at the newly rebuilt high school, and Buffy had started her job as a guidance counselor. He and Anya had started to become friends again. Spike was living in Xander’s spare room, with a soul but minus a couple of tacos to complete the combination plate.

 

For weeks, around every corner was some weirdo saying, “From beneath you it devours.”

 

Then came the big revelation: the First was gaining a foothold to take over the earth.

 

Xander knew that this was bad. But, he also knew there was always a way, always a solution. They had averted more apocalypses than you could shake a stick at, they could handle this one too.

 

Except no one else seemed to believe that they would win or have any idea how to stop this apocalypse.

 

Xander wasn’t going to leave it to the last minute like they had all the others; he was going to find out how to end this now, while they still had time to plan a thorough and effective battle strategy.

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 2

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

____________________________________

 

Last Time:

 

~~~~~~

 

Then came the big revelation: the First was gaining a foothold to take over the earth.

Xander knew that this was bad. But he also knew there was always a way, always a solution. They had averted more apocalypses than you could shake a stick at, they could handle this one too.

Except no one else seemed to believe that they would win or have any idea how to stop this apocalypse.

Xander wasn’t going to leave it to the last minute like they had all the others; he was going to find out how to end this now, while they still had time to plan a thorough and effective battle strategy.

 

~~~~~

 

Xander was visiting Angel in L.A. one weekend when Cordy came to him and told him he needed to visit the Oracles. So, he went. Cordy accompanied him, as usual.

 

The Oracles said that the balance that was upset when Buffy came back from the dead. It could be restored, but a choice had to be made. A slayer needed to die to restore the balance and take away the foothold, and Xander had to make the choice.

 

Xander was devastated. Buffy or Faith? Some would say the choice should have been easy: Faith was ‘the bad’ slayer, Buffy was ‘the good’ slayer, so kill off Faith.

 

But it wasn’t that simple.

 

Both of the slayers were his girls, both important to him in their own way. Both of them were important to the world in much the same way.

 

Buffy, one of his closest friends, a youthful crush turned forever friends. She was the longest living slayer in history, a warrior who had proved time and time again that she was willing to take drastic measures to save the world. She had died twice for her efforts.

 

Faith, his first lover, his friend, his kindred spirit. Both abused and beaten down by those who should have loved them, both eventually overcoming that hurt - Xander with a family of his own choosing and Faith, later, in redemption. They had grown close while Faith was in prison, though truthfully, Xander had let go of his hard feelings during her coma. Faith had started writing him not long after she turned herself in. He had written back. They had exchanged phone calls and he had visited her during his trips to L.A. They had opened up to each other and shared secrets that no one else knew. She meant just as much to him as Buffy did. She was an amazing fighter, no matter which side she fought on. She had been once and had the potential to be again, an amazing slayer. She had done bad things, yes. She had also faced up to her mistakes, more than willing to pay for her crimes.

 

Both slayers had sought death at one time, unhappy with themselves and their circumstances. Both had since embraced life and no longer sought to end their own.

 

And now, he had to choose to kill one of them. How could he make a choice like this?

 

He asked the Oracles one question before he left. Was the slayer essence tied to the soul or the body? Their answer had given him his.

 

Cordelia had known his intentions before he even left the Oracles, and she had yelled and cried, begging him to change his mind. He hadn’t, he couldn’t.

 

He called his girls back in Sunnydale, just to chat, reminding them that he loved them, no matter what. Secure in his love, they weren’t suspicious. Cordy had ranted at him that he couldn’t do it.

 

He had dinner with the “Fang Gang” relishing one of the few opportunities he had had for ‘guy’ friendships. He teased and joked with his newest girl, Fred. He sang for Lorne, and swore the demon to secrecy until after the deed was done. Cordy had screamed at him that he shouldn’t do it.

 

He went through some of the boxes he had already brought down to L.A. in anticipation of finally telling his Sunnydale friends about Angel and moving down there permanently. He found what he needed. Cordy had tried to hit him, but being all formless, she couldn’t.

 

He wrote letters to his loved ones, explaining his actions. Cordy had wept as she read over his shoulder.

 

He went to Angel and loved him, body and soul, and kissed him goodbye when his love finally slept. Cordy had left them alone.

 

Xander got in his car and drove. When he came to his destination, he paused and took a deep breath. Cordy begged him to change his mind. She was sure that he would lose himself forever, if he did this.

 

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 3

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

___________________________________________

 

Last Time:

 

~~~~~

 

Xander got in his car and drove. When he came to his destination, he paused and took a deep breath. Cordy begged him to change his mind. She was sure that he would lose himself forever, if he did this.

 

~~~~~

 

He walked up to the gate and told the guard, “Xander Harris to see Faith Wilkins. The arrangements should have already been made.”

 

The guard directed him through gates and down hallways, to a private room, where he waited.

 

“Yo, boytoy, how’d you swing a face to face?” Faith greeted as she was let into the room.

 

“What, you don’t think I’ve got connections?” Xander tried to tease.

 

“What’s up? Something’s wrong, you know you can’t fool me.” Faith said.

 

“From beneath you it devours.” Xander said.

 

Faith froze at hearing the words that had haunted her dreams for months.

 

“That’s what we keep hearing back in the ‘Dale. Apparently, bringing Buffy back upset the balance, making way for the First to come here.” Xander said.

 

“What do you need?” Faith offered without hesitation.

 

“Hold my hand?” Xander said.

 

Faith smiled, confused, but having not had much friendly human contact in the recent past, she didn’t hesitate. It wasn’t until her hand touched his that she recognized the trinket he was holding. It was the object she had used to switch bodies with Buffy after her coma. She was too late to pull away.

 

She stared at her own face and asked, “Why?”

 

“Did you know that souls are eternal? When the body dies, the soul is released, but it still exists. That’s why the slayer essence is tied to the body. If it was tied to the soul, and the soul never dies, it wouldn’t pass on from girl to girl.” Xander said, almost conversationally, from inside Faith’s body.

 

“Xander, what are you doing? What’s going on?” Faith said, with Xander’s voice.

 

“Balance had to be restored, a slayer had to die, and I had to choose.”

 

“You chose me?” Faith accused bitterly.

 

“I couldn’t choose. I love you both so much. I couldn’t choose.”

 

“Xander, you’re not making any sense.” Faith said desperately.

 

“You deserve to have a chance, to live. But a slayer had to die. There are letters in my…your pocket. They explain everything. Walk away Faith, go to Angel’s and explain to him. Tell him that I love him and I will forever. Take that body, that chance and go live it. I know it’s not much, but it’s something.”

 

Before Faith could react, Xander grabbed his old body, pulled a dagger made of bone from a pocket and stabbed his new body in the heart.

 

Faith held her body with Xander’s arms. She looked into the face that used to be hers and heard words whispered from lips that no longer belonged to her. “I love you. Tell them, I love them too. But, I couldn’t choose, I couldn’t kill either of you.”

 

With that, Xander died, the body that housed the slayer essence died, and balance was restored.

 

And somewhere, The First howled in outrage, as its hold on this world was lost once again. But it would find a way back; if it took millennia, it would find a way back.

 

And Faith, in the body of the greatest man she’d ever known, screamed in horror.

 

The guards came and took the body, excusing “Xander” of all blame. They had it on video, she had clearly killed herself.

 

Faith walked away from the prison in a daze, got in Xander’s car and drove to Angel, wondering how she could ever fill the shoes of her boytoy. But, he had given up his life, for her, giving her a new chance and a new life, and she vowed to live it in a way that would honor him.

 

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 4

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

________________________________________________________________________

 

Last Time:

 

Faith walked away from the prison in a daze, got in Xander’s car and drove to Angel, wondering how she could ever fill the shoes of her boytoy. But he had given up his life for her, giving her a new chance and a new life, and she vowed to live it in a way that would honor him.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Faith stood outside of the Hyperion. She didn’t know if she could go in there. How could she go in there, wearing Xander’s body, using Xander’s voice and break their hearts?

 

Because telling them that the boy they knew was gone and here a killer stood in his place, in his body, would definitely break at least one heart.

 

She and Xander had had many conversations about his relationship with Angel. She knew that they were deeply in love.

 

Xander had told her of his deepening friendships with Angel’s crew. He admired how Wesley had matured and grown as a person from the uptight man they had known back in Sunnydale. He enjoyed Gunn’s attitude and style, enjoyed knowing another ‘normal’ who still fought the good fight. He adored Fred, loved the spine of steel the little physicist kept hidden behind shy glances and a slight stutter. He said she reminded him of the Willow he had known PB (pre-Buffy). Xander had laughed as he described Lorne and how flamboyant the Anagogic demon was. Faith had listened to Xander describe them all, and she had enjoyed the genuine affection she could hear in his voice.

 

Now, she was supposed to face them? In his body?

 

It was almost too much to bear.

 

“I want to hate you, you know?”

 

Faith jumped at the voice, she turned to see none other than Cordelia Chase in all her glow-y glory next to her.

 

Xander had told her the former cheerleader had been appearing to him ever since she had become a higher being, but, honestly, Faith had thought he was just messing with her. It was a little shocking to see that he had been telling the truth.

 

“I want to hate you, but I can’t. He made me promise not to. He made me swear I would visit you just like I visited him. Actually, he used to words ‘haunt’ and ‘nag’, but the gist was the same.” Cordelia said.

 

“He wasn’t just yankin’ my chain. You really are here?” Faith asked, still stunned.

 

“Yeah. Everybody thought he was half-crazy. I mean, he was, but not because of this.” Cordelia said.

 

“Why don’t you hate me? I hate me right now. I don’t deserve this.” Faith asked.

 

“He loved you. He used to read your letters and email out loud to me. He would laugh hysterically at some of your stories. Despite all that had happened between you, he valued your friendship just as much as any of the others. He taught me how to like you, even before I became all see through. He told me all about your progress and how genuinely remorseful you were. He believed in you, in your redemption. He made me believe too.”

 

“How can you look at me, in his body? How can you stand to look at me?”

 

“I don’t see you in his body, I see you. Before, I could see him in his own body, but mostly I just looked at his soul. Now, I just ignore his body so I can see you, your soul. It’s easier that way.”

 

“They won’t be able to do that. They won’t be able to see me without seeing him.”

 

“Do you really want them to?”

 

“What do you mean?” Faith asked, truly confused.

 

“You standing there in Xander’s body, it’s a testament to how much he loved you and believed in you. How much he thought you still had to contribute to the world.”

 

“But, I’m not even a slayer anymore. I can’t…..”

 

“Xander was never a slayer, never had super strength or any other special abilities, but he still fought, still made a difference. He saved the world twice by himself, just being himself. Hell, Buffy can’t even say that. He thought you, Faith the person, not Faith the Slayer, still had something to give, or at least that you deserved the opportunity to try.”

 

“But, Angel….” Faith began.

 

“Angel loved, loves, that boy more than anything, and he is going to have a hard time with this. That means he is going to need all the friends he can get to support him through this. And before you wore a Xander-shaped suit, you were his friend. He’ll need you, no matter how much he pushes you away, he’ll still need you.”

 

Faith nodded in agreement. She could do this for Angel.

 

“And Faith, don’t try to be Xander, because no one can be. But don’t try to be Faith the Slayer either. You’re not her anymore. Just be you, the girl Xander came to know and love. You’re still a badass, you’re just now a badass who can pee standing up.”

 

Faith stared at Cordelia for a moment before she burst into laughter. Trust Cordelia to break it down to the bare truth.

 

She quieted after a moment of laughter, not sure if she had the right to laugh.

 

“It’s different,” Cordelia said, a hint of sadness in her voice.

 

“What is?” Faith asked.

 

“Your laughter. It’s different than his…..I thought it would sound the same, but it doesn’t. It’s not better or worse, it’s just ... different.”

 

“It can’t be as good, there ain’t nothin’ in the world like Xander-laughter.”

 

“I know.” Cordelia said sadly.

 

“Can I really do this? Wouldn’t it just be easier to take off? They wouldn’t have to look at me?”

 

“They need to know what happened. They need to know what he did for you, for them, for the world. Besides, there are still big bads out there to fight, and Xander, he would never have run away to let everyone else deal with them. You want to honor him? Fight the fight, just as you are. It’s what he would've done. It’s what he's done for the better part of a decade.” Cordelia said, her voice brooking no argument.

 

“But I’m not Xander.”

 

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 5

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

__________________________________________

 

Lorne sat in his room at the Hyperion, listening to a Patsy Cline cd that Xander had given him several hours before, his mind replaying the last time he'd seen his friend.

 

~~~~~~

 

“Hey Lorne, you got a minute?” Xander asked from the doorway of Lorne’s room.

 

“For you, I have more than a minute, come on in.” Lorne said.

 

“Here, Lorne, it's my favorite.” Xander said, handing him a compact disc.

 

“What’s this for Sweetcheeks?”

 

“Well, nobody really appreciates country music, the music of pain. But I thought you might. Appreciate it, that is.” Xander had said.

 

“Well thank you. I’m a Patsy fan too. Boy, could that woman belt out a tune.” Lorne said.

 

“She sure could.” Xander agreed. “Hey Lorne, you know how you’re always asking me to sing for you?”

 

“And you keep telling me no.” Lorne said with a smile.

 

“Well, I’m ready, if you are.” Xander said, hesitantly.

 

“Really, all right then, you want to sing tonight at my club?”

 

“I was thinking I would sing for you now.” Xander said.

 

“Well sure, Sugarpie, do you need music to sing along to?” Lorne asked.

 

“If you don’t mind, I was just going to sing without it.”

 

“Whatever works for you. Are you going to sing me some Patsy?” Lorne asked.

 

“Actually, I’m thinking of another country lady.” Xander replied, “And Lorne, whatever you see….can we keep it between us?”

 

“Sure.” Lorne replied, a little concerned.

 

Xander took a deep breath, closed his eyes, opened his mouth and sang:

 

“If I had known the way that this would end,

If I’d a read the last page first,

If I’d a had the strength to walk away,

If I’d a known how this would hurt.

 

Lorne saw what was to come, what Xander had to do. Lorne saw the boy’s meeting with the Oracles, the decision he had to make, the choice Xander had made.

 

I would have loved you anyway,

I’d do it all the same.

Not a second I would change

Not a touch that I would trade

 

Lorne saw the boy’s love, not just for Angel, but for all of them.

 

Had I known my heart would break

I’d have loved you anyway.

 

It’s bittersweet to look back now

Memories withered on the vine

 

Lorne saw: a little red-headed girl with tears in her eyes, holding a broken yellow crayon;

a beautiful blond teenager dropping a stake in Xander’s path and the words, “Can I have you?”;

a middle-aged man reading from an old book;

A very familiar beautiful brunette with a gleaming smile and vicious comments;

a girl with brown hair and bright eyes looking back in childish adoration;

a short young man with multi-colored hair;

a familiar tall mysterious man with many lifetimes of pain in his eyes;

a feisty brunette, kicking ass, and telling the boy that she would, “steer him around the curves”;

a woman showing up and talking about “interlocking parts”;

a shy-looking blonde with the sweetest smile he’d ever witnessed;

a tall, cornfed, wholesome man with kind eyes;

a bleached-blond vampire, lips brimming with snarky comments;

Wesley, pointing out something in an ancient text;

Gunn showing off his home made battle-axe;

Fred patiently explaining a physics equation, knowing the listener had no idea what she was talking about;

himself, singing on stage.

Lorne saw all the people this boy, no man, loved.

 

Just to hold you close to me

For a moment in time

 

Lorne saw Xander taking Angel in his arms for the first time.

 

I would have loved you anyway

I’d do it all the same

Not second I would change

Not a touch that I would trade

 

Had I known my heart would break

I’d a loved you anyway

 

Lorne saw all the heartbreak this boy had experienced over his relatively short life.

 

Even if I’d seen it coming

You’d still have seen me running straight into your arms.

 

Lorne saw Xander loving every one of them, without regret.

 

I would have loved you anyway

I’d do it all the same

Not second I would change

Not a touch that I would trade

 

Had I known my heart would break

I’d a loved you anyway

 

Lorne’s heart broke and he wept.

 

I would’ve loved you anyway”

 

 

Xander opened eyes that were wet with tears and looked at Lorne, who was crying just as hard.

 

“How can I not…..”

 

“I’m not gonna change my mind. And you can’t tell me this doesn’t need to be done. And you can’t tell me to just kill one of them.” Xander said stubbornly.

 

“No, one of them has to die, like the Oracles said, but couldn’t you find another way? Another body?”

 

“Who else could I ask to die in her place? Who could I kill to make this okay?” Xander asked desperately, as if he really wanted Lorne to give him an answer.

 

Lorne just looked at him, knowing that he didn’t have an answer for the man in front of him.

 

“Why did you sing for me? Why did you want me to know, if not to find another way?” Lorne asked.

 

“I wanted you to know why I’m doing this. Why I have to. Someone needed to know first hand. Someone needs to be prepared to help her, when she comes back here. I’ve written letters, but I need you to make sure she has the chance to give them out. I need you to make sure she has a chance, period. She’s going to need someone to depend on, someone to be there for her. She’s going to need you.” Xander said earnestly.

 

“Please, Lorne. I’ve told her all about you. I don’t know who else to ask, it has to be you.” Xander said.

 

“All right, Pumpkin. I’ll try and smooth the way for her. Come here and give me a hug.” Lorne said as he stood and opened his arms to the boy.

 

Xander stepped into Lorne’s hug, wrapping his own arms around the green demon. “I’m better for having known you Lorne. Take of them, take care of him, for me.”

 

“I will sweetie, I will.”

 

~~~~~~

 

Later that day, Lorne had watched Xander say goodbye to the others, without them knowing he was saying goodbye.

 

He knew the young man would never have been able to survive killing one of ‘his girls' and that no matter what anyone would say later, for Xander, this had been the only choice he could have made.

 

He closed his eyes and thought of his friend, who had once said, over a few drinks and too much Chinese food, and without prompting, “You know Lorne, maybe it's from me spending too much time with the girls, but I think that yours is a really great shade of green, and that some would choose to be green if they could be your color green.”

 

Lorne opened his eyes and straightened his clothing before he headed down stairs. Faith would be here soon, and he wanted to be there, ready to help however he could, when she arrived.

 

 

 

*Song “I Would’ve Loved You Anyway” by Trisha Yearwood.

 

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 6

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

____________________________________________

 

Last Time:

 

Lorne opened his eyes and straightened his clothing before he headed down stairs. Faith would be here soon, and he wanted to be there, ready to help however he could, when she arrived.

~~~~~~~

“They need to know what happened. They need to know what he did for you, for them, for the world. Besides, there are still big bads out there to fight, and Xander, he would never have run away to let everyone else deal with them. You want to honor him? Fight the fight, just as you are. It’s what he would've done. It’s what he's done for the better part of a decade.” Cordelia said, her voice brooking no argument.

“But I’m not Xander.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Faith took a deep breath and opened the door to the Hyperion.

 

The lobby was empty except for one individual. He was tall and green with horns. And he was singing an ABBA song.

 

She let the door close behind her and waited for him to notice her. When he didn’t acknowledge her after a few moments, she coughed.

 

He stopped singing and spun around to look at her. His eyes looked over Faith in Xander’s body and turned sad. “It’s done then, is it?”

 

Faith was stunned speechless, How did he know?

“You’re Faith, right? I’m Lorne. Xander sang for me earlier. He told me to take care of you.”

 

“That sounds like Xander. Do you hate me?” Faith asked.

 

“Oh sweety, no. Xander made his choice, and, if it happened the way I think it did, you didn’t have much of a chance to object.” Lorne said as he moved closer to her. He stopped about three feet away from her and just opened his arms.

 

Faith had never been one to accept comfort, period, much less from a demon. So she was surprised when she practically threw herself into his arms.

 

Lorne wrapped his arms around her and just held on.

 

“How could he….I’m not worth….Angel….Why?” Faith couldn’t seem to get out a complete sentence and wasn’t really surprised when she burst into tears.

 

“Let it out, it’s okay. He loved you. He loved her. Do you really want to know what it would have done to him to kill one of you? It would have destroyed him. You are worth it, Xander thought so and so do I. And as for Angel, well, that will take time. He is going to need both of us to help him get through this.” Lorne rubbed her back and continued to whisper comforting phrases until she slowly stopped crying.

 

Faith stepped back out of his arms and looked at the demon she had allowed to see her cry. “Xander really thought a lot of you, ya know. When he used ta tell me stories about you and the others... He loved you all.”

 

Lorne’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you sweetie. I knew that, but it’s still nice to hear. Now, Xander told you about the singing thing?”

 

“Yeah. Why? Oh no, I can’t.” Faith began.

 

“Honey, we need to figure out where to go from here and this is the best way to figure that out. I don’t need much, just a few lines of any song you like.” Lorne said.

 

“Well, I am in Xander’s body now, so I guess I should sing somethin’ country.” Faith said, with an ironic smile.

 

Lorne wasn’t sure whether he was relieved or saddened to see that the smile, while similar to Xander’s, wasn’t exactly the same.

 

Faith took a deep breath, winked at Lorne, and started to sing.

 

“I go out walkin’ after midnight, out in the moonlight,

just like we used to do. I’m always walking’ after midnight, searchin’ for you.”

 

“Was that enough?” Faith asked.

 

Lorne chuckled a little. “Yeah Sweetcheeks, I just needed to confirm that you were you and see if I could tell you anything about what’s next for you.”

 

“And? What did you see?” Faith asked.

 

“You are definitely Faith, which you know. And, whatever else happens, Xander made the right choice. It wasn’t one that the Powers That Be were expecting, but it was the right one in the end. Xander had always been a bit of a wildcard in every situation. From what I hear, this is not the first time Xander came up with option C. You’re proof of that.” Lorne said.

 

“Whad’ya mean?” Faith asked.

 

“Well, Buffy was supposed to die facing the Master right? Well, the prophecy didn’t say anything about her being brought back and the slayer line being twinned. Xander never played by anyone’s rules. I think maybe the reason he was given this task was because they wanted to see what he would do.”

 

Faith thought about that. Xander was the reason she was a slayer and not some crackwhore statistic: becoming a slayer and gaining her first Watcher, the woman who was the first person to actually give a fuck about her, had saved her life. Then he had tried to save her from herself back in Sunnydale, even after she had used him and thrown him away. Despite the fact that she had tried to kill him, he had made an effort to befriend her while she was in jail. He had been her lifeline, her friend, confidant, and cheerleader. He had saved her from despair and hopelessness. Now, he had saved her again. He was and would always be her hero.

 

“So, the PTBs, they think this was the right thing to do?” Faith asked. How could they settle for me instead of him?

 

“Xander saw potential in you and so do they. The PTBs have accepted his choice and see that it was the only one he could make, not just for you and Buffy, but for him. Killing one of you would have destroyed him. We're talking downward-spiral-soul-in-jeopardy destroyed. He saved not just you and Buffy, but also himself. If nothing else, take comfort in that.” Lorne said with a small, sad smile. It still hurt to remember that this body in front of him no longer held the boy he had known.

 

“I’m gonna do my best to make this life mean something, I swear.” Faith said fervently.

 

Lorne took her in his arms and said, “I know you will precious, I know you will.”

 

They stayed like that for a few moments, taking comfort in each other.

 

Lorne pulled back, “Now, Angel is left on some out of town business and won’t be back for a day or two, but the others will be here shortly. Are you ready to meet them, to tell them what has happened?”

 

“They’re gonna hate me.” Faith whispered.

 

“I’m not going to lie to you, this will be tough. But it has to be done and the sooner the better.”

 

“I know.” Faith said sadly, “Oh, Xander left letters for you guys in his pocket. Maybe that’ll help?”

 

“Maybe Honeybuns.” Lorne said. “Well, I guess we’re going to find out.”

 

They both turned as the door to the lobby opened.

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 7a

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

____________________________________________

 

Last Time:

 

Lorne pulled back, “Now, Angel is left on some out of town business and won’t be back for a day or two, but the others will be here shortly. Are you ready to meet them, to tell them what has happened?”

“They’re gonna hate me.” Faith whispered.

“I’m not going to lie to you, this will be tough. But it has to be done and the sooner the better.”

“I know.” Faith said sadly, “Oh, Xander left letters for you guys in his pocket. Maybe that’ll help?”

“Maybe Honeybuns.” Lorne said. “Well, I guess we’re going to find out.”

They both turned as the door to the lobby opened.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Wesley stared at the envelope in his hand. When he and the others had arrived at the Hyperion, Lorne had sent ’Xander’ into Angel’s office to wait while the green demon told them about the choice Xander had been faced with, and the decision he’d made.

 

To say that they were stunned would be an understatement. Xander wasn’t Xander anymore, but Faith. It was all too much to take in. Lorne had concluded his explanation by handing out the letters from Xander. Wesley, like his teammates, had retired to his personal room at the Hyperion to process the news and read his letter – Xander’s final words to him.

 

Wesley thought back to dinner the other night. He realized that Xander had been saying goodbye in little ways all evening. The young man had always been an attentive listener, so Wesley hadn’t been suspicious of the intense attention they had all been given. Now it seemed clear that Xander had been trying to soak them all in, memorizing them for the last time.

 

Wesley sighed in sadness. When Xander had started spending time in L.A., he and Wesley had made a conscious effort to put aside their differences and past impressions of each other from Sunnydale and start over. They had learned that despite their diverse economic backgrounds, they actually had some things in common, like less than stellar parents. They both suffered from poor self-images and the feeling of never quite measuring up as a result.

 

It would be hard trying to cope with Xander being gone while someone else was walking around in his body.

 

And that someone else being Faith made it all the more difficult. Wesley felt like he had failed his former charge. He hadn’t been the Watcher she needed and had let the Watcher’s Council rhetoric cloud his reactions and interactions with her. He had failed to see her as a girl, defining her solely by her duty as the Slayer. That mistake had cost lives. Oh, he knew better than to blame Faith’s downfall entirely on himself; Xander had made sure of that, but Wesley knew that at least some of the blame could be placed at his feet.

 

He only hoped that he had learned from his past mistakes and could help her cope with her new situation. He hoped he’d get the chance to try.

 

Wesley took a deep breath and broke the seal on the envelope that Lorne had given him. He pulled out the letter and began to read the last words that Xander had for him.

 

 

Wesley,

Hey man. I guess by now you know that I am no longer me. Weird, huh?

When I was told that the only way to stop to stop The First would be to sacrifice a slayer, I was hurt. I mean, we had all fought so hard to keep the slayers alive and now one had to die. It didn’t seem fair.

I knew I couldn’t do it. I’m not that strong. I love them both so much, and I couldn’t kill one of them, not even to save the world. I guess there’s a reason I don’t have super powers; I’m not a hero.

So I had to find a way around it, keep The First out and keep my girls alive.

This was the only thing I came up with.

I bet you’re dying to know how I did it, aren’t you? I can just see your Watcher trained brain working hard to figure it out. I know you’re a man who thrives on detailed explanations, so, here is as detailed as I get.

I’m sure you understand about the slayer essence and all that, how it is tied to the body, not the soul. You see, souls are eternal, how else could Angel’s soul be pulled from the ether and stuck back in his body? And since souls don’t die, the slayer essence is attached to the body, so that when the body dies and the soul is released, another slayer is called. Don’t worry, I double checked with the Oracles. They confirmed my assumption. I knew then what had to be done.

As you know, Faith used a device called the Katra, to switch bodies with Buffy. Buffy was able to switch them back before the Watcher’s Council came to ‘collect’ Faith. I ‘found’ the Katra at the church where Buffy and Faith switched back and kept it. I’m not sure why. I knew it would be of the bad if it fell into the wrong hands, but I’ve spent too much time with Giles to just destroy a relic. It’s not like I ever imagined using it for this, or using it at all. But, you know how sometimes, your instincts just tell you to do something? Well mine screamed “keep this, it could be useful.” Honestly, I didn’t even think about it again, until this all happened.

 

So, by now I’ve switched with Faith and released the slayer essence, stopping The First Evil from coming here. Go me.

And I’m not sorry. I don’t regret this.

I regret leaving my friends behind, I regret leaving Angel, but I don’t regret not killing one of my girls.

I know that this is going to be hard. Faith is walking around in a Xander-suit. I bet she’s freaked out. She is going to need you to be her Watcher again. No, she’s not a Slayer anymore, but, she’s going to need someone to teach her how to use her new body, how to survive in the ‘real world’ as a regular person. I basically broke her out of prison, so, she’s gotta be freakin’ about that too. And I’m pretty much her best friend and I just killed myself in front of her. She’ll need just as much, if not more, help as a ‘regular guy’ than she did as a Slayer.

 

She is going to need all the support she can get, and I’m counting on you to help her out. Think of this as a second chance, for both of you. Not to break a confidence or anything, but I do know that she regretted not giving you a chance in the past. She knows that you both made mistakes, in your Slayer/Watcher relationship. I know she tortured you, hey, she tried to kill me too, but I think you both deserve a chance to put the past behind you and move on.

I have really enjoyed getting to know you and becoming your friend these last few months. I know I’m not always the easiest person to get to know and I appreciate your patience. You took the time to actually try and teach me stuff about demons and researching and languages. I know I wasn’t always the best student, but I am really grateful for the chance to learn. I also appreciate the fact that this time around, you treated me like the man I had become and not the boy I once was. I took my cues from you in that and it really helped me see that you were different from the guy I knew in Sunnydale.

I am proud to know you and call you friend.

Keep being the man that you have become. Remember prophecy isn’t everything.

Your Friend,

Xander

P.S.

Take care of Angel for me. He’s gonna need your support to. Don’t let him go too crazy.

Wesley put down the letter, manfully wiped the tears from his cheeks, and headed down to see his former Slayer. He had to help her start her new life.

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 7b

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

____________________________________________

 

Gunn entered his room at the Hyperion. He closed the door behind him and leaned back against it. He stared down at the letter in his hand and slowly sank to the floor.

 

Gunn thought back over the last few days and wondered how long Xander had known what he would have to do.

 

He and Xander had hit it off right away when Xander came to L.A. They were both the ‘normal ones.’ They’d both had rough childhoods. Gunn had been forced to grow up quickly in order to protect his sister and himself in a rough neighborhood after they lost their parents, doing his best to keep them both fed and safe from the evil in the world, both demon and human. Xander had lost his childhood to alcoholic parents who were, at best, neglectful, and at worst, abusive. Xander had been taking care of himself for a very long time. Later Gunn had learned that they had both had to stake someone very close to themselves, after the person had been turned into a vampire. He didn’t doubt that staking his friend Jesse had been just as hard for Xander as staking his sister Alonna had been for him. According to Xander, Jesse had been the closest thing to a brother that Xander had ever had.

 

Neither of them were the type to get pulled down by self-pity though. Xander had a wicked sense of humor that Gunn got right away. Not many people could get away with calling Angel ‘Deadboy’, even as a term of affection. The guy was a little twisted, but Gunn liked it.

 

And now he was gone.

 

Gunn tore open the envelope and took out the letter Xander had written him. The last words his friend had for him.

 

 

Hey Gunn,

I was tempted to open this letter with some really cool slang phrase, and then I realized that I didn’t know any really cool slang phrases. I thought you would prefer it if I didn’t anyway.

So, freaky huh? Faith is walking around in my body. I bet it’s weird, kinda twilight zoney.

I won’t bore you with the long winded explanation like I gave Wes. Long story short, only the Slayer’s body had to die. I figured, I could switch and kill the body, no First, world not overrun with hellspawn, but both Buffy and Faith live. It’s of the good.

I bet you’re wondering why I chose Faith, huh? I mean, why not switch with Buffy, she never wanted to be the slayer anyway, right? Buffy has finally started to accept the fact that she is alive again. I so didn’t want to throw her into another tailspin by taking away her body the way I helped take away her heaven.

Faith is a convicted murderer. Assuming she ever got out of prison, she wouldn’t have been allowed to have any kind of normal life. Not as a felon. This was a way for her to start over, clean slate.

I bet she is wiggin right now. Because hello, guy body! I wonder if she’s checked out the goods yet? Not that she hasn’t seen em before. Oh hell, I wonder if she’d had to go pee yet?

I know it’ll be weird seeing her in my body. But that’s not me anymore. I gave that body to her, it belongs to her now. She’ll use it differently. I bet she is way better at the whole cool guy thing than I ever was, she just always had that.

Take care of my girls for me. That means Faith too, even is she’s in a guy body now. Cool or not, she’s gonna need help sometimes.

I am proud to call you my friend, you know. It may be all un-manly and mushy and stuff, but your friendship means a lot to me and I think I am a better man for it. Knowing I can count on you to take care of my girls has made this decision a little easier for me. I would’ve done the same thing no matter what, there wasn’t any other choice I could make, but it’s good to know the people I care about are left in good hands.

Your friend,

Xander

P.S.

Take care of Angel for me. He’s probably gonna try and be all solitary and brooding, but don’t let him push you all away. You all have become his family, and he’s gonna need family now more than ever.

Gunn folded up the letter and put it on his dresser. He blinked back the tears that wanted to fall and went to go find Fred; she would probably need some comfort right now. Wesley and Lorne were probably cool on the Faith front right now.

 

Later, he would try and get to know the person who now lived in his friend’s body. Right now, his other girl needed him.

 

 

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 7c

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

____________________________________________

 

Fred looked at the envelope in her hand. After Lorne had told them about what Xander had done for Faith and the world to stop The First, he handed them each a letter and they had all gone to their rooms to read their letters and recover from the news.

 

Fred thought about the young man who had become such an important part of all their lives. She knew he considered her to be one of ‘his girls’ and she was surprised at how… safe that had made her feel.

 

Sure, being around Angel with his super strength, and Wesley with his super brain, and Gunn with his street smarts and fighting skill all made her feel safe. But there was something about having Xander consider you one of his that made you know for sure that he was gonna do everything in his power to make sure you were alright.

 

He had proved that time and again. She had heard the stories, but it really hit home when he had thrown himself between her and a demon in a fight and yelled at Angel for not protecting her properly. He had used his body like a shield and chastised his own lover for not keeping her safe. And it hadn’t felt like a “protecting the little woman” kinda thing. It had been a “she has no super powers and you do, so act like it” kinda thing.

 

Xander had never made her feel like less because of being a woman, having no super powers, or her timidness after Pylea. His protectiveness wasn’t about him being more powerful: he treated Fred the same way as he treated Buffy. It was just about a guy with a caretaker personality doing what he did best, caring for those he loved.

 

Fred opened her envelope and pulled out her letter: the last words her hero had ever had for her.

 

Dear Fred,

Hey sweetie. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you what I was gonna do. I could make excuses like ‘for the greater good’ and crap like that, but the truth is I was afraid you would try and talk me out of it, and you are a woman who could talk anyone into or out of anything. You’re just that good.

I couldn’t afford to be talked out of this, none of us could afford for me to be talked out of this. And I know you can’t really have expected me to make a different choice.

I know I don’t even have to explain myself, I’m sure you’ve already figured out the why and the how.

I love you, I hope you know that. At first you reminded me of My Willow, the way she used to be, but it wasn’t long before you became completely your own person to me. There is no one quite like you out there and I’m not surprised that you have two (at least) of the strongest men I know falling at your feet.

Yeah, I went there. They both love you, don’t doubt that. Also know that they both want you to be happy. So, love whoever you want to love and they’ll deal with it.

Remember that you’re the girl who survived for five years on her own in Pylea. You’re smart enough to figure out any problem that heads your way. You’re also a kickass chick and don’t you forget it. But you’re not in Pylea anymore and you don’t have to be alone anymore.

You’re one my girls. My death won’t stop that. You’ll always be one of my girls.

Take care of the guys. They are gonna need your strength and your gentleness.

Faith may not be in a girl’s body anymore, but she is still a girl at heart, so try and help her through that.

Love,

Xander

P.S.

Look after Angel for me. He needs someone to keep him in line and keep him from being too broody. Be the friend that you have always been to him and you’ll both be fine, eventually.

 

 

Fred re-folded her letter and tucked it into the journal she kept in her bedside table. She didn’t even try to wipe away the copious amount of tears that were streaming down her face. She wore them like a badge of honor.

 

She wasn’t surprised by the knock on her door and opened the door to let Gunn enter. She took him in her arms and let him pretend that he was the only one offering comfort while they held each other and grieved for their friend.

 

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 8

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

____________________________________________

 

Previously:

 

Lorne pulled back, “Now, Angel is left on some out of town business and won’t be back for a day or two, but the others will be here shortly. Are you ready to meet them, to tell them what has happened?”

“They’re gonna hate me.” Faith whispered.

“I’m not going to lie to you, this will be tough. But it has to be done and the sooner the better.”

“I know.” Faith said sadly, “Oh, Xander left letters for you guys in his pocket. Maybe that’ll help?”

“Maybe Honeybuns.” Lorne said. “Well, I guess we’re going to find out.”

They both turned as the door to the lobby opened.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Faith finished re-reading her letter from Xander. It had been filled with pure Xanderness. He had written that he loved her and believed in her. He said he knew that she was not the girl she had been and that she deserved a chance to prove it.

 

She wondered if there was any way she ever could. Prove it, live up to his expectations of her, whatever.

 

One of the things about Xander was that he believed in his heroes. She wondered if he had ever tried to look up Gotham City or Metropolis on a map. He had believed in Buffy, followed her into apocalypse after apocalypse, trusting that she would get them all through. He had believed in Faith, trusting that she could be talked out of joining the ‘dark side’, and she had nearly killed him for it.

 

And even when they had both let him down, he still believed. Believed they just needed another chance. Believed they were heroes.

 

It was an awesome and terrible burden to carry, having someone believe in you like that.

 

With Xander gone, would anyone ever believe in her like that again?

 

Or maybe it was her job to believe in others, to believe in heroes again, like Xander and Angel had made her believe.

 

When she and Xander had been writing back and forth to each other while she was in jail, she had once joked that she wanted to be just like him when she grew up.

 

She wondered if this was some sort of cosmic joke, a ‘be careful what you wish for’ kinda thing.

 

So here Faith sat in Xander’s body in Angel’s desk chair. It wasn’t a particularly comfortable chair. Knowing Angel, he probably saw having an uncomfortable desk chair as part of his suffering.

 

“I hate that chair,” Cordelia said, appearing out of nowhere.

 

Faith was startled by the ascended being’s sudden appearance and almost fell out of the chair.

 

“Damn woman, did you appear like this to Xander all the time?” Faith asked.

 

Cordy chuckled. “The first time I appeared to him after I got glow-y, he screamed like a girl and almost slipped in the shower.”

 

“You appeared to him in the shower? Tryin’ to get a look at the goodies you missed out on, huh?” Faith said with a smirk.

 

Cordelia laughed. “You think I was gonna miss an opportunity for a free show?”

 

“Nice, huh?”

 

“Had I known back in high school what I was missing out on, I probably wouldn’t have passed on that,” Cordy said in appreciation.

 

“Oh yeah, I’m glad I didn’t pass up my chance. Oh boy, did he know how to work it.”

 

“Well, now you can look at the goods, as you call them, anytime you want,” Cordy offered.

 

Faith stared at the former cheerleader in shock.

 

“Oh shit.”

 

Cordelia broke out into raucous laughter at the look on Faith’s face.

 

“Yes, dear, all of that is now yours,” Cordelia said between bouts of laughter.

 

Faith scowled at the former seer, but eventually gave into the giggles.

 

The giggles turned into laughter. After several minutes, her laughter fizzled out and she became intensely aware of two things; 1) she was laughing with and talking to someone only she could see and 2) she had to pee.

 

Oh shit. Well, not exactly, but close enough.

 

 

 

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 9

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

____________________________________________

 

Angel flexed his fingers around the steering wheel of his convertible, trying unsuccessfully to settle his unease. They quickly returned to their previous position and the steering wheel creaked ominously under the pressure. Angel never noticed.

 

Something felt wrong. He didn’t know what it was, but he felt….off.

 

He knew if he could just get back home to the Hyperion, it would be okay. All he needed was to see and hold his baby and all would be right again. And maybe Xander could explain to him why the world felt a little….empty.

 

******

 

As he walked through the doors of the hotel, Angel’s sense of unease increased. He opened up his senses to help him find his Xander.

 

There, he quickly picked up Xander’s scent. Except the smell was off a bit. Maybe Xander was sick?

 

He had to find Xander and make sure he was okay.

 

Angel headed towards his office and the off-smelling Xander.

 

He didn’t notice Lorne in the lobby calling his name, nor did he notice the other members of his team coming down the steps; he was that intent on finding his boy.

 

Xander’s voice met him outside the door, but it sounded wrong somehow.

 

Angel opened the office door, his confused senses screaming at him, and met startled brown eyes.

 

Eyes that were the exact shade of brown as his Xander’s. Eyes that were surrounded by his baby’s long curly lashes and sat under improbably arched eyebrows. Eyes that sat in the familiar face of his beloved. Eyes that didn’t belong, weren’t Xander’s.

 

The dark vampire was across the room in a blink of said eyes and had the not-Xander lifted up and pinned against the wall with one hand around his throat.

 

“Who are you?” Angel growled menacingly.

 

The person in Xander’s body said nothing, no denials, no confirmations, nothing. Only a hint of surprise showed on the familiar face.

 

“How did you know?” Wesley asked from behind Angel.

 

“His smell is off, his heart rate is off and his eyes… .aren’t Xander,” Angel said between clenched teeth. He shook Xander’s body and asked again, “Who are you?”

 

“She can’t answer you with your hand around her throat,” Lorne pointed out.

 

Angel relaxed his hold a bit before the entire implication of what Lorne said hit him.

 

“Wait a minute, she? Who is it? Where is Xander?” Angel asked in confusion.

 

He was further confused and dismayed at the utter sadness he saw in the eyes of his co-workers as he looked around the room. As he became aware of his surroundings, he was immediately assaulted by the heavy tang of grief in the air. He refused to admit what that might imply about his Xander.

 

“Faith,” a raspy voice said.

 

Angel looked back at the person who had spoken, the person still dangling from his grip.

 

“What?”

 

Not-Xander looked down at the hand holding him up and raised an eyebrow.

 

Angel slowly lowered un-Xander to the ground and released his neck.

 

“I’m Faith,” was managed after a little throat clearing.

 

“Where’s Xander? Is he in prison? You left him there? We have to go get him out and fix this, whatever this is,” Angel said in a rush.

 

“Angelcakes, Xander’s not in prison,” Lorne said sadly.

 

“Where is he?” Angel said desperately.

 

Lorne and the others looked at each other and Lorne was silently nominated to tell Angel what had happened.

 

As the green demon explained what Xander had done, Angel just stared at him. At the end of the story, Angel backed away from Faith and the others, shaking his head and whispering, “No, no, no…”

 

Their collective hearts broke when his back met the wall and he slid down it and did something none of them had ever imagined he would do.

 

With eyes unseeing, he pulled his knees up to his chest and bowed his head, looking defeated. It seemed Angel had given up.

 

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 10

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

____________________________________________

 

 

Wesley took a deep breath and picked up the phone. He began to dial, stopped half-way through, and dropped the handset back into its cradle. He pretended he hadn’t done the same thing five times already.

 

He had been charged with the task of calling Sunnydale, more specifically Giles, as he was the only one who knew the Scoobies. Other than Angel, of course, but the vampire was in no condition to do much of anything right now, much less deal with informing the Hellmouth crew of Xander’s demise and Faith’s presence in Xander’s body.

 

Another deep breath later, and Wesley managed to dial Giles’ number in its entirety and not hang up when he heard the ring on the other end.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Giles? This is Wesley,” he said nervously.

 

“Wesley? How are you?” Giles asked.

 

“I’m fine. Giles, there’s something… I’m calling because…” Wesley began.

 

“I suppose it was too much to hope that you were calling for pleasant conversation,” Giles said quietly.

 

“Yes, well. There is a situation… 'From beneath you, it devours,’” Wesley quoted.

 

There was stunned silence on the other end of the line, so Wesley continued. “Xander informed us you had been hearing that phrase around Sunnydale for awhile now.”

 

“Yes, we have, from various sources,” Giles agreed.

 

“A few days ago, Xander was called to appear before the Oracles regarding this matter. We didn’t find out until much later what had been said,” Wesley said gravely.

 

“What had been said?” Giles asked in an equally somber tone.

 

“I am not sure, exactly what was said, I can only give you a general idea…” Wesley began.

 

“Get on with it man,” Giles said impatiently.

 

“The First had gained a foothold to enter this plane…”

 

“Yes, yes, we know that,” Giles interrupted.

 

“Do you know what caused the foothold?” Wesley asked.

 

“We are still researching that,” Giles admitted.

 

‘The Oracles told Xander. It seems that when Buffy was brought back by Willow, it created an imbalance, one that The First was using in its plan to take over this and every other plane of existence.”

 

This revelation was met with silence.

 

“Xander was given a way to correct the situation, thereby removing The First Evil’s means of fully accessing this plane.”

 

Giles sputtered over that. “Why? Why Xander? Why now? How do we stop it?”

 

“It’s already been stopped,” Wesley said abruptly.

 

“What do you meant it’s already been stopped? Why weren’t we told?” Giles asked.

 

“He already stopped it, and I’m telling you now. You weren’t told, and neither were we, until after the fact, because he was afraid we would try and talk him out of it,” Wesley replied.

 

“Dear Lord, what did he do? What did they ask of him?” Giles whispered, knowing he wasn’t going to like the answer.

 

“He was told that he needed to make a choice. The imbalance could only be repaired by the removal of a Slayer. He was told either Buffy or Faith had to die, and he had to be the one to choose,” Wesley said tightly, his anger at the Powers coming to the surface.

 

“My God. I just talked to Buffy on the phone not five minutes ago… He didn’t, did he? He didn’t kill Faith?” Giles dawning horror was apparent in his tone.

 

“Not exactly.”

 

“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?!?” Giles shouted.

 

“Xander discovered the Slayer essence was tied to the body, not the soul. He killed her body and preserved her soul,” Wesley said quietly.

 

“How?” Giles asked in trepidation.

 

“At the expense of his own.”

 

Giles was stunned silent.

 

“He found the object that Faith had used to switch bodies with Buffy; he’d had it all this time.”

 

“No,” Giles said in denial.

 

“He visited Faith in prison, arranged to see her face to face and he….” Wesley stopped to take a breath.

 

“He didn’t, please tell me he didn’t,” Giles begged.

 

Wesley continued on as if Giles hadn’t spoken. “He switched bodies with her, then stabbed himself in her body. He died almost instantly.”

 

“How could he? Why didn’t he tell us? We could have…” Giles muttered.

 

“Xander did what needed to be done. Does that really surprise you? It’s not like it was the first time,” Wesley said quietly.

 

“Why him?” Giles asked.

 

“Why did he do it to himself? Who would you have him kill in his place? Why did they choose him? I believe they wanted to see what he would do. He had a history of doing the unexpected,” Wesley said sardonically.

 

“That he did,” Giles admitted.

 

After a few moments of mutual silence, Giles spoke. “What do we do now?”

 

“You need to tell the others. After that? I haven’t a clue,” Wesley admitted sadly.

 

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 11

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

____________________________________________

 

Previously:

“Xander did what needed to be done. Does that really surprise you? It’s not like it was the first time,” Wesley said quietly.

“Why him?” Giles asked.

“Why did he do it to himself? Who would you have him kill in his place? Why did they choose him? I believe they wanted to see what he would do. He had a history of doing the unexpected,” Wesley said sardonically.

“That he did,” Giles admitted.

After a few moments of mutual silence, Giles spoke. “What do we do now?”

“You need to tell the others. After that? I haven’t a clue,” Wesley admitted sadly.

 

******

 

Giles hung up the phone and waited. Wesley had said that Xander had written them all letters. The other former Watcher would be magicing them to him momentarily. He had protested about using magic for such a thing, but Wesley had quietly pointed out that it was the fastest way to get the letters there without opening them and violating the privacy not only the recipients, but of Xander. The raspy voiced Englishman also advised that delaying the inevitable by sending them through the mail wouldn’t be of benefit to anyone. A pop sounded and a small stack of letters appeared on the desk in front of him. Giles hesitantly reached his hand out towards the pile, almost afraid to touch the letters. Touching them might make this whole thing real.

 

But he couldn’t lie to himself. It was real. Xander was gone and someone else was wearing his face.

 

The ex-Watcher picked up the envelope with “G-Man” scrawled across the front, smiling slightly at the oft-lamented nickname. His hands trembled slightly as he carefully opened the flap and extracted his letter.

 

Dear G-Man, I mean Giles,

So… I guess you’ve heard by now, I mean you better have, cause some serious butt is going to be kicked if they didn’t tell you before they gave you the letter. If I can kick butt, from wherever I am. I guess we’ll see, huh?

I could give you a whole explanation for how I figured out about the slayerness and stuff, but I’m thinking that at this point you don’t really care. Yeah, you love your books and your knowledge, but you love us, the Scoobies, more. You might not say it, but, we know. I hope you know too, about how we feel about you. You do know, don’t you, cause it might make me break the guy code if I actually have to put it down on paper. Then again, I’ve been a card carrying member of the “Just One of The Girls” club since before Buffy, so I’ll just say it. We love you. None of us had the best male role models in our lives. Willow’s dad was never there, Buffy’s pretty much quit on her and mine, well, I won’t get into how un-parental like my old man was. But we struck gold when we got you. So, yeah, you rock and you’re the best non-biological dad we know.

You might not want to know how, but you do probably want to know why, right? They’re my girls, Giles. Enough said. I’m not strong enough to kill one of my girls. You might not know Faith like I do, but she’s my girl just as much as Buffy, Willow, Cordy and Dawnie ever were. She’s had it rough and she’s made a lot of mistakes, but she’s learned from them, grown from them. I hope you will give her a chance to prove it. And encourage the Scoobs to give her a chance too. Believe it or not, I really think they’ll follow your lead on this.

Don’t think for one moment that you could have stopped this, or that you should have prevented us from helping all along. This was how it needed to happen. I don’t have any doubts about that.

I’m a better man for having known you and fought by your side. I learned a lot from you, more than I ever did from my own dad, on how to be a stand up guy and good man.

I have no regrets. Take care of my girls for me.

Love, (yeah, I said it, there goes my manly-man card)

Xander

Giles pulled off his glasses and used his handkerchief to wipe away the tears that clung to the lenses. He did nothing about the tears falling down his cheeks, he just let them fall. It was if wiping them away would somehow dishonor the young man they fell for.

 

A half hour and a stiff drink later, Giles finally worked up the courage to pick up the phone. Now he just had to find the will to dial.

 

 

Title: The Choice – Part 12a

Author: Xanfan

Rating: Mature

Pairing: various, including M/M Slash

Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die. Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?

Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no beast master.

Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

____________________________________________

 

Previously:

 

Giles pulled off his glasses and used his handkerchief to wipe away the tears that clung to the lenses. He did nothing about the tears falling down his cheeks, he just let them fall. It was if wiping them away would somehow dishonor the young man they fell for.

A half hour and a stiff drink later, Giles finally worked up the courage to pick up the phone. Now he just had to find the will to dial.

 

*****

 

Willow sat on the floor of Giles’ bathroom, her back against the door, knees pulled to her chest. In her hand, she grasped the envelope Giles had handed to her after destroying her world.

 

Xander was gone.

 

She wanted to scream in denial, insist that Giles was wrong, that Wesley had lied. But she couldn’t; the minute Giles had told her, she had known it was true. When the Watcher had explained the hows and the whys, it was so typical Xander that she couldn’t deny it.

 

With shaking hands she carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the letter Xander had written her.

 

My Willow,

Don’t hate me. I may be dead by the time you read this, but I’m pretty sure it would kill me again if you hated me right now.

I love you. From day one and broken yellow crayons and tears to black eyed and bent on destroying the earth to now, I loved you and never stopped, not once. You’ll always be my Willow. Nothing you or I could do would ever change that.

I love all my girls, but it all started with you. Loving you allowed me to know how to love them. You raised me up right, I have to say.

And Faith is one of my girls, you have to know that. You also have to know that I couldn’t do anything else but what I did.

I’m not sorry for what I did. It was the right choice, I know it.

But, I am sorry for not telling you about loving Angel.

******

“What!?!” Willow screeched inside her head, her hands tightening on the letter, her last link to Xander.

 

******

 

Geez, calm down would you? Just let me explain.

We’re in love, have been for awhile now. I told you about Cordy, right? I know you didn’t really believe me and snorted when I said she was a higher being now, but I was telling the truth. And don’t think I didn’t get an earful about that snort of yours either. She ranted for hours.

Anyway, she kind of had me help save Angel and…I’ll spare you the details, but he and I have been together for months.

I wanted to tell you. I almost told you so many times, wanted to spill all the goodies and gush and everything. But I couldn’t because of the timing.

Buffy’d just begun dealing with being alive again and you were in England with Giles when it started. Buffster had so much on her plate, and I just couldn’t add to that by telling her I was doing her ex. And he didn’t want to have to explain that his soul was permanent and that he didn’t come running back to her as soon as he found out because we really didn’t think she was up for that, yet.

I didn’t want to put you in the position of having to choose sides.

And I didn’t want to hurt you. Tara’s death was still so fresh. I didn’t want to compound the pain of losing the love of your life by telling you I’d just found the love of mine.

And he is. I loved Cordy and I loved Anya, but this…this is something more, something beyond what I’d ever believed I was capable of feeling. And he loves me just as much.

We fit, Willow. It seems like it wouldn’t make sense, like we wouldn’t make sense, but we do. Leaving him like this hurts so much. I can only imagine what he’s going through right now. But I had to do this to make things right again.

Moving on…

This is not your fault! We all participated in bringing her back. I could have said no, I could have convinced you not to, but I didn’t, because I wanted her back just as badly as you did. There are times when we can’t point fingers, just do what needs to be done to fix things, this is one of those times.

Faith is innocent in this, maybe not of other things, but in this, she had no choice. I know I didn’t give her an option, I just did it. And she just had to watch one of her only friends die in front of her with her face on. If I could have avoided that, I would have, but there was no other way.

I’m not going to assume that my death will be what Tara’s was to you, but if you feel an inkling of temptation to end the world or something, just remember, I love you. Now look in the envelope…go on, do it.

******

 

Willow picked up the envelope from where she had discarded it and looked inside, letting out a surprised sob. She tipped the envelope upside down over her other palm and caught the small piece of yellow crayon in her palm. Willow wrapped her fingers around her new treasure and went back to reading her letter.

 

******

 

When I was going through my things, I found my memento box that you made for me in the first grade. This was the first thing I’d ever put in the box. Yes, this is a piece of the original yellow crayon! I couldn’t believe it had survived all these years, but I guess some things are eternal.

Just like you and me, huh?

Giles and Buffy and Dawn and you and yes, Spike, have to pull together and act like the family that you are (Not like my family or your family, but like a real one, like a Joyce Summers’ family). You need them and they need you.

Dawn may be a ‘normal’ girl, but she’s…intuitive. Is that the right word? She knows things, about people, knows the truth. Make sure she feels like an essential part of the group.

Spike too. He needs to be needed. And make sure Buffy keeps her head on straight about him and her mitts off him. I don’t think she can really love him and he isn’t in any state of mind to be just an “orgasm friend”. I’m not saying she’d hurt him deliberately, but he might not be able to help himself, especially not against her, so he needs someone on his side, someone to stand up for him when he can’t stand up for himself.

Giles needs to be needed too. You still have a lot you can learn from him and he from you.

Buffy is The Slayer again, the one girl in all the world. With Faith no longer in her body, she’s not the Slayer anymore. So Buffy might need help re-adjusting. But Faith still knows what it’s like to be a Slayer, so, eventually, she might be a good resource for support.

I think you guys should visit L.A., visit Angel’s crew. They have become really good friends to me over the past few months and I want you to know them like I did. I want you guys to be close, to have each other’s backs and feel comfortable calling on each other for help. But that’s just my opinion.

I love you, Wills. Like I said, you were the first of my girls and (don’t tell Cordy or Dawn or Anya or anybody) you’ll always be my best girl.

Take care of yourself and remember the Willow is pretty amazing in and of herself and she doesn’t need to be Witchy-Willow or Tech-Willow for her to be special.

Love always,

Xander

******

 

Willow carefully refolded the letter and placed it back in its envelope. She then pulled the locket Xander had given her that held a picture of Tara out from under her shirt and opened it, carefully placing the small piece of yellow crayon that would forever symbolize her and Xander inside and closing the locket tight. Willow picked up her letter and stood. She quickly crossed to the sink and splashed some cold water on her face, getting ready to face the others.

 

Xander had said they needed her, so damn right she was going to be there for them and let them be there for her.

 

She nodded firmly at her reflection in the mirror and then went to face the others.